I changed?

"I changed, you didn't". This was your explanation?  You changed how?  You got too important to be with me?  You're too hot now?  What????

I NEVER changed.  I have been the same man you married all along. The man who loved you, who had eyes only for you.  The man who fought like hell to get you better from migraines, who stood by you while you fought cancer.  I didn't think that needed changing. Obviously, I was wrong

I made you feel invisible?  In your mind maybe but NEVER in mine.  EVER.  

You have become someone I don't know.  Someone who finds herself too good for me, too good for someone who loved you no tater what.

Lost the ability to be happy

I don't think I can be happy.   I just can't feel it.  I used to be, I know I was.  Now??????

I had a date last night.  Trena and I had a nice time.  We talked we laughed and then reality crept in.  I guess it was reading that profile on POF that did it.  I realized how much I miss being in love.  Sounds Un-manly but that's it.  I miss being in love.  I miss being part of a whole I am incomplete. 

I hate being alone.  I wake up alone, I come home to an empty place.  I eat alone, think alone sleep alone.  It almost scares me to sleep alone.  I miss just knowing she's there.  I miss seeing her when I wake up and when I get home.

I almost want just to have sex with someone just so I won't feel so alone.  But I know it would be a mirage  i bet it's not an issue for her.  I bet mike is taking care of business.  Fucker.

The worst part is that I have no one who understands, no one to talk to about how I feel. No one who cares.

This hurts.

I hate"............

I hate my life, I hate myself and I hate YOU!  My life was good until you decided that the new, improved pinup picture version of you was too good for me.  Or I wasn't good enough for you.  Either way, I have tried to move on.  I have a place, stuff cats but I am empty.  Completely and totally empty.  I go nowhere, I do nothing.  My only wish is that I could just sleep forever.  Not die, just sleep.  When you sleep at least you have your dreams, I don't even have those.  

I try to go out and mingle.  I end up an island in a room of 50 people who pass by without a glance or make perfunctory comments just to be polite.  I am so utterly alone it hurts.  I try to mask it but it's hard to be happy when you're not.

To top it off you bring your "good friend" to graduation.  Thanks ,nothing like rubbing my nose in it.  Made you feel special I'll bet.  

I feel like I don't deserve to be happy or to be loved and appreciated.  I feel like a toy that the kid no longer wants.  I live in fear that my life will end alone, cold and miserable.  I guess that was God's plan for me all along.  Thanks for nothing Big Guy.